Mindful Tips For Better Parenting

Last updated: 07-18-2020

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Mindful Tips For Better Parenting

Mindful Tips For Better Parenting
Mindful Tips For Better Parenting
Published
Tara Christie
My son was fussing around at the counter where we sit to eat breakfast and spilled all his juice everywhere—onto his plate, on the seat, and the floor. I yelled, “How many times do I have to tell you to stop messing around when we’re eating?” I yelled so loudly that I noticed it startled him. Suddenly, I looked at him in dismay and realized I had just frightened my son. After working all day, cooking. and cleaning, the last thing I wanted to do was clean up yet another mess that in my mind could have been avoided. But, against my better judgment, I continued on with my rant as I was quite frustrated. What he said next is what slapped me back into reality. He turned to me with his big, teary, beautiful brown eyes and said very softly, “Mom, but you said that sometimes accidents happen, and it’s OK,” which totally melted my heart and broke it simultaneously. I realized I needed to be more mindful. Mindful in the way I reacted, mindful in the way I approached things, mindful in being really present with my son when I am with him.
So what was it that had me so frustrated anyway?
Was it the point that I told him what seemed to be like a millionth time to stop playing around? Was it that I had other things on my mind at the time? Perhaps my workday didn’t go as planned or I didn’t get enough errands sorted out as I had wanted. I had a sudden realization; it was like everything was presented right before my eyes: I watched and saw my son’s reactions to things that happen daily and it was like watching myself. He was being hard on himself. He wasn’t giving himself enough time to explain things or get his thoughts cleared, he was rushing. He would be utterly disappointed and sad with himself if something didn’t work out or if he spilled chocolate on his shirt. And I thought, OMG, he’s me. My 5-year-old is victimizing himself. He’s feeling less than, not good enough, and all over what? He’s me. I knew instantly that my behavior had to change if I wanted to be a better parent to my son. I knew right then I needed to be more mindful as a parent.
It’s scary to live in the present.
It seems scary when you think about it, to have to be in the now, in the present. Our minds are always fixated on something other than the now. Who wants to face their own reality—their own truth? It’s a hard thing to wrap your mind around, I know. I’m not a perfect parent, and I’m not a perfect human, but I do know I have choices and can make decisions. I know that I can either positively affect my child or negatively affect him. We as parents don’t want to make mistakes, we don’t want to see how we may be failing, but it’s OK to see and realize these things that we can change about ourselves to make these positive changes. The same way we learn from trying, failing, making mistakes—is the same way our kids will learn. I think it’s safe to say we all want them to give life a try. So what we have to do is evolve and grow, which we can only do by facing our truths and dealing with them in healthy, mindful ways.
 
Awareness is our friend, like fear.
Fear can either make us courageous or shut us down completely. Awareness can either prompt us to make changes or push us back into denial. But just by being aware, you notice change is needed, and I truly believe that makes all the difference. Think back to a time when you were completely oblivious to the situation. Looking back you’d have done so much differently, right? Once you’re aware, there’s no going back. You will make better choices, you will handle things differently, you will take care of and view things through the eyes of love. Especially when we are trying to raise good people to attribute to the loving nature of this world so we can minimize all the wrong parts of it.
Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children
Here’s what I do now to stay mindful with myself, son, husband, and even my dog. Hopefully after reading these you can think about how they apply to you, too.
Contents
9. Communication is key.
1. Teach your kids how to take deep breaths.
Taking breathing breaks together to collect your thoughts and ground yourselves will be fundamental in helping kids learn how to cope and have understanding of their feelings. Kids love doing this especially when you tell them they’re grounding themselves strong just like a tree! You can take five minutes to sit on the floor with your child/children. Have them close their eyes, palms down on their legs, and show them how to inhale deeply. The younger ones may keep getting up, but keep practicing, and you’ll see them soon sitting for the full five or even doing it on their own.
2. Don’t interrupt your kids while they’re talking (even if it’s taking them a long time to get it out).
If my son is having trouble getting the words out, I’ll remind him to take a deep breath. This helps him with his thought process, and he knows he can take a break and think about it for a few minutes because we’re in no rush. I’ve been really mindful about not brushing my son off when he wants to tell me something. A lot of the time as parents we can get so busy with work or other things if our kids come to us, we say, “Give me two minutes,” or “Tell me later.” I stop what I’m doing and give him my full attention. In turn, he does the same for me when I’m speaking to him.
3. Practice active listening .
When your children are talking to you, make eye contact, smile, be welcoming. Sometimes we don’t have to say anything at all for our kids to know we are listening. Children do love to talk and tell stories, and it pulls at your heart strings to watch them speak of things we often can take for granted.
4. Keep the radio off and talk about their day on the car ride home.
If you can, walk to pick them up (weather permitting), so you can have a nice stroll together. Go to the park, kick a ball around, ride your bikes, or go inline skating. My son likes to ride his scooter everywhere, so I’ll bring that along.
5. Leave work at work and unplug from technology.
For example: We make the dinner table a no phone/tablet zone. Spend that time as a family talking and really connecting. Tell funny jokes . Ask what was the best part of the day for each family member.
6. Pay attention to how you react to situations.
Because, ultimately, your kids will mimic it in their own lives. Don’t become aggravated or annoyed right away, tempting as it is. So if they spill something on the counter, don’t go into an immediate rage; remember, accidents do happen, and spills are not the end of the world—annoying, yes, but not debilitating. If you do find your blood boiling for any reason, remove yourself from the room for a few minutes to cool down.
Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do
7. Ask engaging questions.
My son recently had a farmer bring in chicks to the class to hatch, so I asked him for that whole week how he took care of the chicks, how chicks are kept warm, what they ate, etc. I like to pinpoint specifics, so he doesn’t feel like I’m just being repetitive with my questions and knows that I’m really interested.
See Also: Ways To Connect With Your Children
8. Allow them to express their emotions.
You are where they feel the most safe, and kids just like us will have not so good days and need to know it’s OK and that you’re there for them. If your son or daughter comes home from school grumpy, tell him/her that you’re there to help or talk whenever they are ready. It’s hard to get information out of my son when he gets out of school, but eventually, I can’t keep him quiet about the day. I ask questions such as, “What did you do at school today that was different? Did you go outside for recess? Who did you play with today?” These questions will then lead you to why they may be grumped out, or they may just be tired, which is totally normal (raise your hand if you haven’t felt tired after a long day at work or school)—see?
9. Communication is key.
Be honest but not aggressive in your approach. Say things like “I understand you’re frustrated” or ask “What is making you upset?” or “How can Mommy (or Daddy) help you?” Alternatively, be excited for them when they’ve reached a goal for themselves or moved up in rank in karate or dance class. Always tell your kids how much you love them. Tell them you love them no matter what—even when you’re upset with them. It’s crucial they know this.
Children are extremely mindful by nature. I watch how my son lives in the moment. He’s not worried about what’s going to happen tomorrow, and he doesn’t stress about yesterday. Mindful parenting isn’t something that we can download or buy. It’s something we have to learn all over again, and it will take practice. Will we be mindful every single minute of the day? Probably not, as life happens and situations take hold of us emotionally. I had such a huge realization by just watching my son spill his food. Watching him is like watching myself through a mirror: It’s fascinating yet frightening at the same time. Awareness is profound. It’s like turning on a switch that we’ll never be able to shut off again because once you know something, it never leaves you. Since practicing these methods of mindfulness, I’ve become a little less neurotic and don’t sweat the small stuff. I perceive things differently, with a different perspective—a lot less stress and a lot more appreciation. Since I’m mindful of this, it makes me grateful.
 
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Why Men Fall Out of Love—What Every Woman Should Know
Published
Polly Stevens
Contents
Tying him down.
Everybody talks about falling in love, but rarely do we tackle the issue of falling out of love.
Maybe we think “falling out of love” is a fallacy. We ask ourselves, “How is it possible for someone to be in love today, only to fall out of love tomorrow?”
Frankly, when I was younger I never believed in falling out of love. Although I was faced with many relationships endings, I refused to believe that they ended because the other person or I, fell out of love. I would claim that if love was true, it wouldn’t have ended. I basically reflected romantic novels and movies into my own life. We would like to believe that love is easy and has a happy ending, no matter what. Sadly, we are too egocentric to admit that somewhere along the way we did something wrong.
Men can fall out of love fast…
Make your relationships work by learning about effective communication here: 5 Core Practices for Effective Communication
The truth is, relationships are flimsy.
They need a whole lot of work. Some of us become complacent once we reach a stable level with our partner. We jeopardize the relationship and take the other person for granted, only because we are certain that nothing will make this person leave.
This is what makes men leave:
At first thought, it might seem bewildering to hear this topic coming from a woman.
Well, I have been surrounded by men throughout my life. The majority of my close friends are men. This, in return, has allowed me to gain a greater understanding of a man’s mind. Furthermore, I think I was blessed by few partners who wore their hearts on their sleeve, and helped me obtain an absolute vision of what pushes a man away.
Despite the understandings I have observed in men, one cannot generalize. There are millions of reasons of why a man might fall out of love.
Now of course, it is not a thing that happens within the realm of 24 hours.
Falling out of love is a process.
Men sometimes tell women what is wrong, but unfortunately we don’t believe them—we think they are manipulating us. Because we’ve been brainwashed by romantic movies, reality seems too unbelievable for us. We only take men seriously when we see them starting to lose interest or walking out the door.
Men are simple creatures, really. Women are much more complicated than men. The sexes are entirely different from one other. Being complicated, however, doesn’t mean that women are bad. On the contrary, it only means that our minds were programmed to decode every behavior and to overthink almost everything—unlike men.
The problem is not men. The problem between men and women is not knowing how to deal with each other. Since men are more discreet than women, they have us thinking that they are too complicated and hard to dismantle. But once we really understand and thoroughly grasp what a man wants, dealing with them become much easier—and
keeping them around isn’t rocket science.
Here are some of the attributes that might drive our man to the nearest exit:
Being too clingy.
A clingy woman is a woman who is in constant need of her man’s presence. She keeps texting and calling when he is not around. She wants to accompany him wherever he is going. She cancels her plans for him and expects him to do the same for her. Additionally, she is constantly impatient.
Clinginess is also tied to mental and emotional neediness as well. Being too attached, too clingy and too needy, shows a man that his woman is insecure. Men think that a woman who keeps breathing down her partner’s neck is a woman who literally has no life but him. When we think it’s cute, men think it’s a turn off. Revolving our life around our man will only make us lose him. Space is pivotal. We should have our own life, our own plans and maintain our personal independence without expecting our man to always be there.
Why do they fall out of love?
Being overly dramatic.
Our man chose us because we were happy and fun to be around. Men love women who know how to keep their own happiness in check and who display patterns of positivity. With time, if we tend to overanalyze and overthink, and turn almost everything into a problem, our man will see us as a problematic drama. When he tells us to stop being dramatic, we don’t believe him and continue to sabotage our relationship.
When women are consistently dramatic, men will associate them with negativity. It’s not wrong to be emotional, but it is a red flag to be overly sensitive and dramatic all the time. Men don’t know how to deal with dramatic emotions. The relationship is already perceived as an important responsibility for a man. However, if we keep on maintaining drama, our man will feel as if he has three responsibilities to take care of—his, the relationship and our happiness.
Not feeling appreciated.
Almost every man’s self-confidence is quite flimsy. Even though most men don’t admit it, they fear love because they fear failure. This is due to the pressure society had placed on men. They should work, make money, build a successful future, man up and take care of their families.
Too many responsibilities have been placed on them. Hence, not feeling appreciated or getting these vibes is a big failure to a man. The biggest mistake women make in relationships is making men feel guilty and blaming their unhappiness on them. With time, the man will feel like a big failure if he can’t make his woman happy and satisfied. Women should appreciate the smallest gestures and affirm their manhood. Letting them know they are succeeding in the relationship is pivotal for the relationship’s growth.
 
Not meeting his needs.
A man likes to feel loved. We usually underestimate the importance of a man’s feelings. We think he has no feelings but he has plenty. Emotional needs for a man are as important as physical needs. We can’t expect a man to meet our needs if we don’t meet theirs—it’s as simple as this.
Sexual fulfillment, support and admiration are the basic needs for a man.
These things could lead men to fall out of love…
Tying him down.
Most men fear commitment because they fear being tied down. They fear having to stop meeting up with the guys, watching football games and having plenty of beers. Every man has his own perspective about personal space. If he lost his personal time to a woman, the woman will lose him.
Some women try to abolish their man’s personal freedom and space. When they do, he will feel as if he has been placed in a cage that he can’t escape.
I believe everything will work out just fine in relationships if both sexes understand their differences.
Men are simple. If our man tells about something particular that has been bothering him, we should take it into consideration. Men are straightforward. If they want to be left alone, they will tell us, “leave me alone.”
All we have to do is respect his needs so we don’t push him away.
Always remember to treat him with space, admiration, positivity and self-independence. If your man mentions other red flags than the ones I have mentioned, do not neglect them. He is not manipulating you. He is trying to help you understand him, so you can have a better partnership.
Men are good. They are humans. They fall in love. You need to treat them right in order for them to stay and not fall out of love. There are things that men experience and trigger them to fall out of love. The lesson here will help you find a real relationship. With you and with others.
Original article by Elyane Youssef
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Be Honest With Her
Pay Attention to Her Needs At All Times
Sometimes it’s the little things a man says and does that mean that most. Pay attention to what she’s doing, big and small. Usually, when a woman is switching things up, she’s trying to get your attention. Show her that you notice. Don’t be afraid to compliment that change either. It makes her feel good.
 
 
Communicate With Her the Right Way
Communication is everything in a relationship, especially for a woman. When something’s bothering you, it’s easy to shut down, think that she should just get it or believe that the issue will resolve itself. But sometimes it takes a certain level of honesty to resolve the issue and get the relationship where it needs to be. Make sure you’re actively listening when she’s sharing something with you and that you’re respectfully communicating when you feel like the respect isn’t mutual.
Respect Her & Pay Attention
A woman should always be treated with respect. Under no circumstances should arguments escalate to a point where you’re attacking and bringing her down. These acts of disrespect lack respect and can easily turn into emotional and physical abuse. No matter where an argument takes you, you should practice self-control and openly communicate what’s bothering you. Give her the same respect you’d want in the relationship. If you’re doing anything that compromises that, there’s a problem.
Don’t Talk to Her Friends
Nothing’s wrong with having mutual friends with the woman you’re with, but make sure if those friendships include people of the opposite sex, that the relationship is always respectful –and never behind that woman’s back. Even if you think it’s innocent, if you talk to her friends, not only are you seriously compromising that woman’s friendship, you’re compromising a level of trust you may never be able to regain.
Keep the Spark Alive
Don’t cut off the affection. Just because you’ve been together for awhile doesn’t mean the relationship romance should fizzle out—when it does, it can make a woman feel insecure about the relationship. If you feel like the spark is dwindling or simply want to keep the spark alive, do some of the things that made you happy when you first got together. Nothing’s wrong with regular ‘first date nights’ and making her feel special all over again.
Remember Important Dates
Even if she doesn’t say it, a woman loves when her man remembers the important dates: birthdays, anniversaries and milestones in the relationship. And don’t think she doesn’t notice when you don’t. Not only will it impress her when you remember them, it will show her that you care.
Compliment Her
Sometimes, a woman just wants to feel like she’s beautiful, and sometimes the best way to do this is with a compliment. If she’s having a rough day or if you haven’t said it in awhile, tell her how great she looks, or how she’ll succeed in whatever stresses she’ll face today. That compliment shows that you’re paying attention to what she’s going through and could be the boost that turns her day from dark to bright.
Give Her Little Gifts
Make her feel special by giving her little gifts that let her know you’re thinking about her. This can be anything from a box of her favorite chocolates to a note that simply says ‘I love you.’ The occasion doesn’t always have to be special to show how much you care. Brownie points for the men who know this.
 
 
Tell Her You Love Her
Sometimes, a woman just wants to hear that she’s loved. Just because you think or know she knows you love her, when you don’t say it, she thinks about it. If you used to say it and now you don’t, it confuses her. If you love her, tell her you do and not just on special occasions.
Be Honest With Her
Even if you think being honest will cause conflict, you’re hurting the relationship more when you’re not honest with her. When you spot something going on in the relationship that you know is or may potentially be problematic, address it. If you’re not feeling the relationship anymore, tell her. A woman wants and deserves to know how you feel concerning her. Even if it doesn’t seem like it at the moment, she will always respect you when you do.
In anything you do, it is always best to treat a woman the right way. Going in the right direction will keep a lasting relationship. There are several ways to treat a woman the right way. These are some of the ways you can do to treat her the right way. Always make your woman feel extra special. You will keep her forever.
Original article by Lesli White . She is a graduate of Virginia Commonwealth with a Bachelor’s degree in Mass Communications and a concentration in print and online journalism. In college, she took a number of religious studies courses and harnessed her talent for storytelling. White has a rich faith background. Her father, a Lutheran pastor and life coach was a big influence in her faith life, helping her to see the value of sharing the message of Christ with others. She has served in the church from an early age. Some of these roles include assisting ministry, mutual ministry, worship and music ministry and church council.   
Add spark to any relationship the right way. Here are additional readings for you:
Tara Christie
The concept of having a soulmate has been floating around since practically forever. The idea behind it is simple: There’s one person out there who is destined to be your other half.
Of course, this is a little controversial. While some people are all in with the idea of having a soulmate, others think it’s total B.S. Still others are in the middle, with the belief that you can have several soulmates during your lifetime.
Before we get into whether soulmates are real or not, it’s important to hammer out what, exactly, they are.
Contents
So I should let go of the idea that romantic soulmates are real?
What is a soulmate, really?
The definition kind of depends on who you’re talking to. “The actual meaning of the notion of ‘soulmates’ varies from person to person,” says Joseph Cilona, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist in Manhattan.
Still, he says, it’s fair to say that the most common belief around the term is that there is only one person in the world that is your soulmate, that that person is the perfect match for each of us, and that you must find that person to be happy in love and marriage.
“Furthermore, the thought is that if we do find them, the relationship will be perfect and blissful,” Cilona says. “If we don’t, any other relationship will never be as good.”
 
Are Kaley Cuoco and her husband soulmates? Peep their body language to find out:
Other people define soulmates by what they do. A soulmate is “a person who appears in your life in order to teach you an important lesson,” says clinical psychologist Suzana E. Flores, author of Facehooked: How Facebook Affects Our Emotions, Relationships, and Live s.
“They can shake up your soul by providing experiences that change the way you perceive yourself and the world,” Flores explains. “Soulmates challenge you to transcend into a higher state of consciousness.”
Interesting, so why is the idea of soulmates controversial?
Here’s the thing: The concept of a soulmate is really romantic—provided you’re with someone you love and feel really, really good with. But experts have some issues with thinking your S.O. is your soulmate for a slew of reasons.
For starters, the concept implies that you’re not whole without someone else, and that’s pretty messed up, says relationship psychologist Karin Anderson Abrell, PhD.
“If you’re stuck on the notion of soulmates, you could feel this void throughout your single years,” she says. “Feeling like you need someone to complete you is a horrible way to approach dating and relationships because it comes from a place of need.”
 
Read more on soulmates here: Why You Should Stop Searching for Your Soul Mate
Then there’s the fact that being in a relationship with someone, even when you’re an amazing match, can never be a totally flawless experience. The concept of soulmates can delude us into believing that once you find your person, everything will be perfect and easy—and that’s not real life.
“I feel strongly that the entire notion of soulmates is totally toxic, completely false, and that the expectations and beliefs that it fosters can very often sabotage relationships and undermine for many the quest for healthy romantic love,” says Cilona. (A little harsh, maybe, but definitely not wrong.)
Doing the math on this also doesn’t work out here. If there’s only one person out there for you somewhere in the world, the odds that you’ll actually find them are pretty crappy. Not only that, you’re pretty likely to click with plenty of different people.
“The reality is there are almost 8 billion people in the world now, and many of them can be well-suited to be in a healthy, fulfilling, satisfying, romantic relationship with each other,” Cilona says.
While people often talk about the importance of things like values, common interests, attractiveness, education level, and cultural background, “the single-most important indicator of the likelihood of two people coming together is simply geographic proximity,” Cilona says.
Not exactly romantic, but it makes sense: “People who are near each other and come into more frequent contact with each other are much more likely to get to know each other and develop feelings of attraction and romantic love,” he continues.
And finally, what if something happens to your soulmate? What if you get divorced from someone you thought was your soulmate or, worst-case scenario, they die? Are you supposed to just take yourself out of the relationship pool for life? That seems kind of…sucky, to say the least.
What’s a healthier way to think of soulmates?
How about this: A soulmate doesn’t have to be limited to a significant other.
“Soulmates don’t necessarily have to be reserved for romance,” says Abrell. Think of Meredith and Cristina on Grey’s Anatomy. Or Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe on Friends. Or Sex and the City‘s Carrie Bradshaw and her girls. Sometimes you have a BFF who just gets you like no one else—and that’s magical on its own.
“Soulmates don’t necessarily have to be reserved for romance.”
With this broader definition, you can feel more fulfilled in life by the high-vibration connections you have with multiple people. And there’s less pressure to make things perfect that way.
So I should let go of the idea that romantic soulmates are real?
If you’re single and doing the whole dating thing, you don’t want the fairytale idea of love to blind you from potential partners just because they may not seem like the soulmate match you’ve envisioned. Being a hopeless romantic can definitely ding you in that department.
But if you swear you’ve found your soulmate in life and you feel like an otherwise happy and fulfilled person, there’s no harm in thinking the concept is legit, Abrell says. Just keep in mind that, on a romantic level, it’s really not something that science can prove or that most relationship experts even support (if, ya know, that matters to you).
You also need to remember that “soulmate” or not, relationships take work. Cilona stresses the importance of clear and effective communication, mutual trust that develops when each person’s words match their behavior over time, mutual respect, and mutual caring. (Clearly, lots of mutual stuff here.)
It’s also crucial to have a life partner who doesn’t want to change you, Flores says. Sure, some things about your S.O. might annoy you, and vice versa, but accepting your person as a whole is what makes a good relationship a great one. Being comfortable spending time apart and doing your own thing also helps couples go the distance, Flores says.
Bottom line: It doesn’t really matter if soulmates are real—as long as you are realistic about love and what it takes to nurture it.
Original article by Korin Miller . She is a freelance writer specializing in general wellness, sexual health and relationships, and lifestyle trends, with work appearing in Men’s Health, Women’s Health, Self, Glamour, and more.
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Tara Christie
We yearn to talk to someone and be understood. In order to understand and be understood, we need to practice effective communication. Learn the core practices here…
“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” –Epictetus
There is one activity we each do every day, all day long, in every area of our lives—at home, at work, with friends, even when we’re alone. The success of our relationships, our work,and life in general rests heavily on it, yet few of us ever receive explicit training in this area.
I’m talking about communication. We’re social creatures, and good communication is perhaps one of the most essential skills for a meaningful life. Poor communication is one of the primary causes of divorce, and as much as  85% of job success  comes from having strong soft skills like communication and relationship building.
The fact is, we’ve all had communication training. It’s generally just been unconscious and unintentional—we pick up whatever is around us in our family, culture and society, and do the best we can to get by.
If you’re interested in improving your relationships, advancing in your career, or enhancing your capacity for change in life in general, communication is a powerful lever. Here are five core practices you can start using today to improve your communication. These are both foundations and advanced practices. The difference lies in the quality of your attention and depth of your investigation.
Learn more techniques for effective communication…
Contents
5.  Pause; remember the option to stay silent.
1. Lead with presence.
Awareness is the pre-requisite for effective conversation. If we want to understand something or make a meaningful connection, we have to be here first. Yet the habit of multi-tasking rarely stops when we leave our desk. Try to give your full attention to whomever you are speaking with. Put down other thoughts and projects. To help stay present, feel the weight of your body or the sensations in your hands or feet. When speaking, experiment with slowing the pace of your speech down ever so slightly to bring more clarity and choice to your words. Over time, include other forms of communication like talking on the phone, texting, and email.
2. Listen completely for effective communication. 
We learn to speak by listening. In the same way, learning to communicate mindfully begins with careful listening. As you engage with others, try to listen whole-heartedly. Make a mental note of important thoughts, questions, or responses as they arise, and return your attention to hearing the other person. What would it be like to just listen?
3. Come from curiosity and care.
The foundation for productive discussion and skillful negotiation is in the quality of connection and understanding we create. When our interactions are driven by an agenda, by getting our way, wanting to win, being right or making a point, we limit the possibilities for mutual understanding and creative outcomes. Instead, see if you can find a genuine intention to understand the other person. Practice cultivating and returning to the simple intention to understand.
4. Focus on what matters.
We often attend primarily to the content of what’s being said, our views, ideas and judgments about it. To create a clearer quality of connection, focus on the underlying needs or objectives. Ask yourself, “What matters about this?” Listening with this kind of attention helps us get beyond surface positions to the underlying values in a situation, thereby creating more room for understanding, collaboration, and creative problem-solving.
It is important to learn what to say and when to say it. Read on for more effective communication from: Words and Phrases to not say to your Partner
 
5.  Pause; remember the option to stay silent.
Learned habits of communication run deep and often come out of our mouth at lightening speed. As with other mindfulness training, slowing down is essential for building skill. Practice pausing before and during speaking. Consider if your words will contribute to mutual understanding and connection.
With email, waiting a few hours or a day to send a message often brings clarity and saves unnecessary complication. One of the most overlooked (and often underutilized) communication tools is holding one’s tongue! It takes restraint, but knowing the right time and place to speak our truth is essential. Try listening or nodding until you have a clearer sense of what will be most useful to share.
These tools can create the conditions for more meaningful conversations. I hope they help bring more ease, understanding, and creativity into your life, your work, and your relationships.
We need to understand one another in order to communicate. In order to send a message or listen, we need to learn about effective communication.
Original article written by Oren Jay Sofer , he is the author of Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication. He leads retreats and workshops on mindful communication at meditation centers and educational settings around the United States. 
Syndicated from  Spirituality & Health  magazine. S&H was founded in 1998 for people seeking holistic health in body, mind, and spirit. It aspires to help guide the journey to self-knowledge, authenticity, and integration. Its articles draw from the wisdom of many traditions and cultures, with an emphasis on sharing spiritual practices, and look to science to help provide a context for the spiritual quest. 
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Tara Christie
If your dad is or was a hardworking man and, has helped you as much as he could at the time, no matter how good or bad you were, and is just a best dad ever. As a bread winner of the family, he is the one who exert more effort.
Father was a hardworking man who delivered bread as a living to support his wife and three children. He spent all his evenings after work attending classes, hoping to improve himself so that he could one day find a better paying job. Except for Sundays, Father hardly ate a meal together with his family. He worked and studied very hard because he wanted to provide his family with the best money could buy.
Whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them, he reasoned that he was doing all this for them. But he often yearned to spend more time with his family.
The day came when the examination results were announced. To his joy, Father passed, and with distinctions too! Soon after, he was offered a good job as a senior supervisor which paid handsomely.
Like a dream come true, Father could now afford to provide his family with life’s little luxuries like nice clothing, fine food and vacation abroad.
However, the family still did not get to see father for most of the week. He continued to work very hard, hoping to be promoted to the position of manager. In fact, to make himself a worthily candidate for the promotion, he enrolled for another course in the open university.
Again, whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them, he reasoned that he was doing all this for them. But he often yearned to spend more time with his family.
Father’s hard work paid off and he was promoted. Jubilantly, he decided to hire a maid to relieve his wife from her domestic tasks. He also felt that their three-room flat was no longer big enough, it would be nice for his family to be able to enjoy the facilities and comfort of a condominium. Having experienced the rewards of his hard work many times before, Father resolved to further his studies and work at being promoted again. The family still did not get to see much of him. In fact, sometimes Father had to work on Sundays entertaining clients. Again, whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them, he reasoned that he was doing all this for them. But he often yearned to spend more time with his family.
As expected, Father’s hard work paid off again and he bought a beautiful condominium overlooking the coast of Singapore. On the first Sunday evening at their new home, Father declared to his family that he decided not to take anymore courses or pursue any more promotions. From then on he was going to devote more time to his family.
Father did not wake up the next day.
It’s very inspiring and touching story. A father do his best for her family for them to have a stable and better life. Respect and valued all the efforts of your parents, this is the way to show their love.
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Tara Christie
In a friendship, it is not important whether your gift is an object or affection. But, the most important is your presence to each other that is what  a heart-felt gift for your friend.
True friends are not fussy or judgemental. They care not what you are worth or what you own. And they certainly understand the meaning of your friendship, and whatever you may give as a present comes from the heart. Here are some of the most heartfelt gifts you can offer good friends, without a bit of monetary investment.
1) THE GIFT OF LISTENING…
But you must REALLY listen. No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your response. Just listening.
2) THE GIFT OF AFFECTION…
Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, pats on the back and handholds. Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and friends.
3) THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER…
Clip cartoons. Share articles and funny stories. Your gift will say, “I love to laugh with you.”
 
4) THE GIFT OF A WRITTEN NOTE…
It can be a simple “Thanks for the help” note or a full sonnet. A brief, handwritten note could be remembered for a lifetime, and may even change a life (although it may cost a stamp if you mail it)
 
5) THE GIFT OF A COMPLIMENT…
A simple and sincere, “You look great in red,” “You did a super job” or “That was a wonderful meal” can make someone’s day.
6) THE GIFT OF A FAVOR…
Every day, go out of your way to do something kind.
7) THE GIFT OF SOLITUDE…
There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone. Be sensitive to those times and give the gift of solitude to others.
8) THE GIFT OF A CHEERFUL DISPOSITION…
The easiest way to feel good is to extend a kind word to someone. Really, it’s not that hard to say “Hello” or “Thank You.”
Every gift for your friend is important, learn to value even if it’s not a concrete gift. The most special gift for your friendship is your quality time together.
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